Trying to Process

First let me say "Thank You" for all the sweet e-mails, blog comments and calls we received yesterday. They are so appreciated and we certainly need them right now.

We are very much in the grieving process right now and expect this will take a long time to get over. To cope yesterday, I watched the Poseidon Adventure (the remake), drank the largest Dr. Pepper on the face of the earth and ate large quantities of Taco Bueno. Strange I know - I am just trying to deal though.

This has been hard on us all. Alex (our dog) threw up all over. I think the stress is getting to her as well. Bean dried my tears yesterday and told me she would take care of me. At dinner she told us she is going to get an airplane - fly to the clouds to meet God - get our babies back - and put them back in my tummy. I tried to explain that they had stopped growing and she is trying to process. She said but Mommy their picture is on the fridge and they are still growing - and I told her that they had stopped as it was not time for them to be here with us. (yes - we took the picture of the fridge - too hard to look at) This has got to be a lot for a four year old - but she has been blessed with an amazing grace - that I think she understands.

Today I am going to shop to take my mind off things. I need to stop listening to the Peter Gabriel Song "I grieve" and REM's "Everybody Hurts." I also need to say no to Poptarts...
I will keep posting as this is a way for me to deal with my emotions. I am still having a hard time talking about it - without turning into a blubbering mess.