Wednesday, October 3, 2007

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.....

Yes – Welcome to my self sponsored pity party where it is all about me. I feel that I am a generally upbeat person, but I have been really thrown for a loop this week. We have reached another infertility hurdle and this one is beating me down.

Sunday, my back when spastic when I got a pinched nerve in my neck. Having been there done this, I new I needed to get to the Dr. ASAP before complete and utter lock up occurred. I went to the after hours care, and saw a Dr. on call who gave me a muscle relaxer and pain medication. Boy – did I need those.

Monday morning, I was starting to feel better as I went to my Saline Sonogram. I had completely forgot (blocked out due to not wanting to remember) I had this same sonogram done in 2003. Happy – Happy Joy Joy, oh these are just plain wonderful, NOT! Anyways, as the Doctor and Nurses were doing there thing, I noticed their expressions and knew something was up. Sure enough, they tell me what a good patient I am (now I know for sure something is up) and that they will be back after they review the pictures. I knew bad news was coming.

The nurse comes back in and tells me, that they have found something new inside my uterine cavity – Fibroids! WHAT!!!!!!!!! Seriously, how is this possible? She told me that my “saving grace” concerning the fibroids was the fact I am on the pill continuously. They would probably me much worse otherwise. Thus now I have Endometriosis, damage from my Appendix rupturing, scar tissue from all my surgeries, no fallopian tubes and fibroids that I am fighting against. I know that none of this is “my fault”, but I hurt about it just the same. I hurt for Roon most of all. He is a super trooper and has been with me through all of this.

What does this mean now? We are not sure. The Dr. wants to do another surgery (a hysteroscopy) to remove the fibroids. I will know more in a few weeks after I have our next Dr.’s appointment. Please keep us in your prayers. My back is finally starting to feel better so that is good news - but I am still pretty sore.

The journey is hard, but in the end I know that there is something great in store. It just sucks to go through all of this. Deep down (and I mean way deep) I know this is making me stronger. Right now I am a little fragile, so please bear with me if I cry at a moment’s notice. This too shall pass….

4 comments:

Stacemoe said...

I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you and praying....

crayonmommy said...

Oh my goodness. what a horrible week. I am so sorry. In tears, joining your pity party with you. I am praying for you every night ans so is Ella. You are right though, somehow, this makes you stronger -- and you are definately earning your Wonder Woman outfit right now. I love you!

Cindi said...

Love you, my sweet friend. Am continually praying for you as you go through this valley.

Kahla said...

I'm so sorry you are hitting another hurdle, but you are right somehow it does make you stronger... sometimes it just doesn't seem like it. I am sending lots of P&PT your way.

My latest IF quote is: When life gives you hurdles you can't jump over, just limbo under them.

Big hugs