Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Road Ahead

Sometimes things do not go as planned, thank God, sometimes things to not go as planned. I remember waking up after my laparoscopic surgery in 1999, groggy and, kind of out of it – but I knew before the words were really spoken, our lives were changed. Roon, not wanting to upset me simply said “The Dr. says their might be a chance we can’t have kids on our own.” A little piece of me died that day. A piece of me, still struggles with the grief of that dream that died that day. What, Why, There must be a mistake. I would learn more at my follow-up appointment a week later. Indeed the might was tamed down, he told us we would and would only be able to conceive a child thru IFV (In Vitro Fertilization), an extremely expensive procedure that is not covered by insurance.

Just to take yall back, I was sick and hospitalized multiple times between the ages of 14 and 15. On my third ER run, they admitted me to the hospital and decided to keep me until they figured it all out. I had exploratory surgery and was told I had endometriosis….back then nobody really knew what that was. Basically my Dr. told me that when I get pregnant it will go away and take these birth control pills and things will be better. And they were, except for the chronic cysts and pain I had because of it. I managed fairly well – feeling a lot better than I was – and I have a high pain tolerance – so I could deal with it. Then while I was a freshman in college, my appendix ruptured on Easter morning.

I learned in 2003, that my appendix rupturing had actually destroyed my fallopian tubes, not my endometriosis. We moved forward to have the tubes removed as we were ready to start IVF. After they were removed, I felt better than I had in years. As it turns out they were infected still – so it was a great move by my Dr. I felt better, but we knew it was not the time for IVF. We felt we were at a crossroads and we knew our path was being prompted by God. We did not go back for IVF, instead, we researched adoption agencies at began the very emotional process of adoption.

I can not put into words as I can’t capture the raw emotion, the love and the blessing that our daughter brings to our lives. Thank God, for all those path changes, for the fertility issues, for the heartbreak for without it – we would have missed the ultimate blessing – being parents to our wonderful daughter.

I say these things, as we start the parenting path again. This time we feel is the time God has planned for us to do IVF. The doors were never shut to this path, and we feel now is our time to try. I am scared. This will be emotional, trying, time demanding and financially a strain for us – but we know the outcome – will be as God has planned for us. We pray that things go well and we are blessed again.

Please pray for us as we start this journey. It is the support of God, family and friends that sustains us now and it all these journeys we make.