The Beat Goes On...

And we still have no idea what we are doing on the fertility front. Our appointment was ok. The Doctor is very encouraged by my stimulation and egg response. To give a recap I had nine follicles (they hold eggs) and 5 eggs were retrieved. Of the five eggs, 2 fertilized normally (and were transferred on day 3), 1 fertilized abnormally (hussy egg – two sperm got in – LOL), 1 did not fertilize and 1 egg was immature. 5 eggs is in the world of IVF is ok – but no where near where a typical woman my age is in terms of egg response. So with that said, if we were to do IVF again, 5 eggs may be as good as it gets for us. My ovaries, pelvis, tubes (which have been taken out) have been compromised from 20 plus years of endometriosis, my appendix rupturing, pelvic adhesion disease and fibroids.

I know that all it takes is one egg – but in terms of egg production, 5 eggs will in all likely hood put as at another Day 3 transfer with no possibility of FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). Statistically speaking Day 5 has better pregnancy success numbers, but according to our Dr. Day 3 transfers can be just as successful.

Looking at the bright side – I am happy I got 5 eggs as there was a part of me that was kind of worried that there may be no eggs. I mean I did have a ruptured appendix for like 36 hours before it was taken out. It is possible that the toxins from my appendix could have destroyed all my eggs – so I am thankful there are some…and as I type this I am reminded that I am blessed to be alive after all of that ordeal.

So – with my history, my age, my response my Doctor was pleased overall – although he did want me to be pregnant right now. So – the dilemma is what to do now. Time is of the essence…as 35 is right around the corner and if we move forward we will need to try IVF later this summer. It is hard to make a decision still as both of us feel we have no clarity or direction about this. Of course the financial burden of this weights heavily on us both, but the emotional toll this has taken has been just as rough. We are going to take the next month to pray, talk and look at our options. Thanks for everyone’s support.

What's going on..

The Bean and I had a wonderful visit with Aunt K.C. and the crew. What fun it is to see Bean and her cousins having a grand time with each other. Every time we get together - the girls just enjoy each other so much. Bean got to jump at the jumpy place at the mall, go to Chick-fil-A, eat cinnamon pretzels (her favorite), have icee, go back to the jumpy place (twice more), go to Krispy Cream, play outside, and shop....I am tired just thinking about all that now. Of course this was spread out over several days ;)

My sister, her friend Melissa and I got to have a girls night and went to have Ice Cream. The Ice Cream staff told us if we sang karaoke we would get free ice cream. Well you know I am all about scoring the deal...so we sang (what I thought was a short song) It's my party! The ice cream staff loved us and asked us to come back next week. HA! I was in the band and there is a reason I don't sing so much in public, although I think I can carry a tune decently. We saw a movie called Miss Pettigrew Lives for A Day...nice period piece with Amy Adams in it. What a fun night we had.

On our way out of town, we got to visit with Aunt Ash and Tom. We also got to hang out with Bean's Mimi and Poppy and Nana and Gramps. Bean is so blessed and loved my all her grandparents.

Today - Reality is back and we need your prayers. Our AC unit has exceeded it's life expectancy and needs to be replaced. I have had a service tech and engineer here at the house today and it looks like everything needs to be replaced. As you may imagine this is a huge expense and we are still recovering from all the IVF expenses.
Also our dryer has decided to make some awful noises like it is taking off to Mars...I don't think we enrolled the dryer in the astronaut program..so I imagine that our dryer is going out too ;(
Please keep us in your prayers! Tomorrow is my IVF follow up with the fertility doctor....I will keep ya posted.

My Bloggy Giveaway Winner!

Wow that was fun! Glad to see so many comments and people who like Chick-fil-A! Yumo - for sure.

I went to random.org and the lucky winner is #96 Josie. Congrats to Josie. I am already looking forward to the summer bloggy giveaway carnival.

Bloggy Giveaway!

Hello and welcome to my first bloggy giveaway. So you ask "What ya got for me?" I have a gift card to Chick Fil A for $15.00. Who does not love me some Chick-fil-A - right?

Please say "Hi" and drop me a comment below to enter to win. Comments are open till midnight on Saturday April 26th. Winner will be picked (randomly) on Sunday, April 27 and e-mailed/announced on this blog thereafter. Please make sure I have a way to contact you via your blogger info or leave me an e-mail in the comments. Please only one entry per person. Good Luck! If you want to enter other giveways - please click here. Have a blessed week!

My hubby is a great writer!

Here is something Roon wrote back in August 2006. He found it in his journal and wanted to share it with me. I am sharing with you. This week is moving along and I find that I am coping a bit better. I still have no idea what we will or will not do in our hopes of having another child or children...but I know that I have faith.

The spray of the sea, the salt in the air
The sun on my face and the wind in my hair
All of these things I have been blessed with today
As I journey through life, making my way

As I revel & dance & sing praises to God
I try hard not to think that this season will end

For over the horizon, lies a storm of great power
Where ebony clouds and forked lightening abound
Where the winds whip the sea in a white tipped froth
Where many a ship has lost and heart and been lost
I try not to worry as to where I will be
After I sail through the storm that God has for me

Will I be a soul who loses his way?
Who forsakes God's plans for safety and ease?
Only to look back with regrets and no peace?

Or will I be strong in my faith before God?
Trusting him to guide me, though the storm has been hard
Knowing that only through him comes Shalom

I declare that Lord Jesus is powerful and true!
Any any future I have Lord comes only through you!

Moving Along...sweet friends and family

So I tried to stay busy yesterday. I met my Aunt (the guru of all things related to shopping) at the outlet mall to try to take my mind off of things. I almost lost it at the Gymboree Outlet store seeing the most cute striped/candy land type romper. I held it together and moved on. We went to the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Store and my Aunt bought me an enormous cinnamon cheesecake-caramel apple. We also went to the kitchen store where they had at least 20 samples out. I almost made myself sick with all the dips I tried. We did score some clearance $1. dips though ;) I felt compelled to buy the products below. I truly believe they will be an asset to our fleet of kitchen tools. Someday I will blog about my obsession with kitchen products and vacuums....

Are these not the coolest - palm scrubbing brush and palm veggies shredder? We also had a lovely lunch and it was just good to get out and breath!

I came home and a notice of flower delivery...Here are the beautiful flowers (purple - my favorite) my playgroup Mom's sent. Y'all are awesome ladies!

Then my good friend Debbie (who moved far way and I don't get to see nearly enough) came over and brought us dinner! She brought the bean a pink poodle webkinz....Bean has a particular obsession for pink poodles - so Deb did good with this choice. She also brought me a book and some body wash. And then her co-workers and her all signed a lovely card and gave me this dried flower arrangement below. How sweet to know that people I don't know took time out to pray for me and show me kindness.

Some of my good friends are having me over to cry and eat pizza. Thanks for all the support. I still feel raw right now - but am trying to process. I have a lot to be thankful for and am trying to see the light in the mist of this dark news.

Trying to Process

First let me say "Thank You" for all the sweet e-mails, blog comments and calls we received yesterday. They are so appreciated and we certainly need them right now.

We are very much in the grieving process right now and expect this will take a long time to get over. To cope yesterday, I watched the Poseidon Adventure (the remake), drank the largest Dr. Pepper on the face of the earth and ate large quantities of Taco Bueno. Strange I know - I am just trying to deal though.

This has been hard on us all. Alex (our dog) threw up all over. I think the stress is getting to her as well. Bean dried my tears yesterday and told me she would take care of me. At dinner she told us she is going to get an airplane - fly to the clouds to meet God - get our babies back - and put them back in my tummy. I tried to explain that they had stopped growing and she is trying to process. She said but Mommy their picture is on the fridge and they are still growing - and I told her that they had stopped as it was not time for them to be here with us. (yes - we took the picture of the fridge - too hard to look at) This has got to be a lot for a four year old - but she has been blessed with an amazing grace - that I think she understands.

Today I am going to shop to take my mind off things. I need to stop listening to the Peter Gabriel Song "I grieve" and REM's "Everybody Hurts." I also need to say no to Poptarts...
I will keep posting as this is a way for me to deal with my emotions. I am still having a hard time talking about it - without turning into a blubbering mess.

When a dream dies.........

I am so sad/devastated to report that we are not pregnant.

I know that God knows the plans for us...but sometimes I wish they were not so hard. For once I hoped that something would go a bit easier.....I use that term loosely, because just to get here - to do IVF - was years of waiting, several surgeries, and thousands of dollars.

I am thankful for Roon, the most supportive husband ever and Bean who is without fail a light in my life. I am so blessed to be a Mommy and I had hoped to have more children to share the love with, but alas I don't know that we will.

Thanks for your support, prayers and encouragement.

Baby/Babies on the Brain

We find out tomorrow! I have blood drawn in the morning and then I have to wait for the lab results to come back...so it could be late in the day on Wednesday. Needless to say I am excited, anxious, ready and hopeful! I need to remember John 20:27, Stop Doubting and Believe."



Bean has been asking me " Is there babies in your tummy Mommy?" I tell her that I hope so. She offered to let me have her Cinderella baby to put in my tummy. She is just the sweetest. I showed her the embryo pics and she looked at them and said "Where is the head?" I told her they were very early in development and the head had not formed. She thought about it and then said "They are so adorable!" I think so too!



Please keep us in your prayers as these next hours seem to be the longest of the wait.

Menu Plan Monday

Well I have a list of items to cook - now I just need to figure out what/when.

So here is the menu, but I will just plan the day as I go:

• Mickey Mouse Hamburgers (had this today) - got these for .99 cents a box
• Beef Ribs
• Burritos
• Pizza
• Hot Dogs
• Tuna Helper

Yeah - nothing fancy this week, just easy quick things - but hey it is a plan!

Go to orgjunkie.com to see other's menu's for the week!

Weekend of Fun!

We decided to get some bluebonnet pictures this weekend. It was a beautiful weekend, but there was a brisk chill in the air. On our way to do pictures we stopped at the mall and ate at our favorite little brick oven restaurant. Bounce houses were going up on the grassy area, so we knew a detour was in our near future. We let Bean run around and play on them for a while - although it was pretty cold and I had to resort to wearing the only coat in the car - a faux fur red wool winter coat. I am sure that was a pretty site - with my capri pants and crocs on!

We got some beautiful pictures and decided to look at some model homes in the area. Bean loves to go look at homes. She enjoys it so much she even asks me to go now. Uh - Oh - maybe it is all those Otis SpunkMeyer cookies they give out ;) We found our "Dream Home" a few weeks ago and I have "mentally moved in." Yes - I LOVE this house. Although, it is out of our price range right now - we are hopeful that perhaps someday we will be able to afford it. Everyone here is ready for Wednesday - Just over 48 hours till we know! I am feeling good and continue to pray and hope that their is life in my womb! I am also getting a bit anxious today as we are in the home stretch....

We did get some shopping done. Since I still am on no lifting "heavier than a milk gallon" I had Roon and Bean with me at Kroger. That Mega sale they are running is awesome! I also rocked CVS (diaper deal) and Walgreens. I only took a picture of my Walgreens haul which was .57 cents. It was actually negative .28 cents, but I had to throw the candy bar in to make the total positive. My refrigerator looks like the Pillsbury dough boy has set up camp in there.....oh that doughy goodness. Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

Check It - What do you watch on TV?

Well - As usual I was fast forwarding through the American Idol results show and I was so happy to stop and catch that the last eight idols were singing "Shout to the Lord." How awesome is that? I have been a fan of American Idol since Kelly Clarkson won - but have to admit it is the mother of all time drainers. Thus I rely on my DVR and typically fast forward through at least half of it. I am really enjoying this season. I think my favorites have changed as the season as gone on. Right now I think that David Cook is awesome! I loved loved the version of Billy Jean he did a few weeks back.

Here are some of my other favorite TV shows right now (all DVR'd of course)? Boy Do I love me some TIVO!

• LOST
• Battlestar Galatica (yes - seriously this Rocks!)
• Jon and Kate + Eight (this is what Roon and I would be like with all those kids)
• Property Ladder (or any show that involves house flipping - love it)
• Survivor (yes - guilty pleasure I know)
• Jericho (I can't believe it was cancelled again - ugh CBS why?)
• Bones (Roon and I both watch this)

What are you watching?

Praise God for Great News!

Today my progesterone levels came back at 37.1. The doctor likes for his patients to be above 20 - so that is great news. Some of these hormones give off some pregnancy symptoms like random bouts of nausea and fatigue. I can't wait to hear our news next week.

Just 7 more days till we found out that we are pregnant! I am staying upbeat and positive - because really I have no control over the situation. I know God knows the desires of my heart and I pray that we are pregnant!

The Big Deal!

After 10 years of owning our home - a monumental day has occurred. We both joked that this day would be moving day - but my pre-nesting craziness won out and we cleaned our garage. I have no idea how we accumulated so much junk and trash in there. Apparently when we clean out our cars - we simply load the car junk into those plastic grocery bags and throw into the garage. Boy it was eye-opening. We had a big pile of junk for the curbside pick-up, but we had lots of junk fairies come sift thru the piles and take stuff they can hopefully use. Apparently swifter mop handles are in demand - cause those went quick?



I am so proud of us - so I wanted to post some pictures (but I can't find them anywhere on my computer!). SO I am posting one of the organizer that Roon installed to hold things from our celling. It is way cool - but according to Roon is not the easy one hour one person install he thought. My car has been parked in the garage for almost three weeks.



What a feeling - feel the feeling.......(sing along now)

Big Ole Honking Needle

Ok - Some of you want a visual of the how big my progesterone shot needle is - don't ya? I took a picture with my ruler (yes this ruler date's back to the early 80's) and here ya go. I have to numb my bottom with an ice pack first and then Roon takes aim at the muscle in the bottom. The nurse drew big circles on Wednesday at my egg retrieval and it's Sunday and the big target circles are still there. I hope at some point they wear off - cause they are just not that pretty! The embryo's are brewing and I am moving a little bit more. Roon has allowed me to walk about the house - but he is very protective and wants me to take it super easy. Yes, I basically moved my command post to the couch. I find that it is easier to boss everyone around from there more effectively (ok just kidding - kind of).

I will keep y'all posted and get back to regular blogging this week. My in-laws arrived today - so I have more people to help and keep me company. My family and friends Rock!!

Blogging from Bed

We had the transfer this morning! We transferred two beautiful eight-celled embryos! I even have pictures of them, but don't have the scanner in bed to post ;)

The transfer went smoothly and now i just wait (in bed for the next 24 hours) and then light (very light) moving for another 24 hours!

Thanks for all your prayers - we are very blessed to have so many people who care!

The Results of Egg Retreival

I had my eggs retrieved on Wednesday and they were able to get five. Even though I had nine follicles, sometimes the follicles do not hold eggs. This is a learning process for both Roon and I so we learn new things every day. I started crying when I heard just five after waking up. I admit that I had hoped I would have a lot more, but I have to remember that I have no control over this. Our nurse at the ARTS center was talking to me and really encouraging me telling me that all we need is one! She is a Christian and was speaking words of life into me - and that is just what I needed.
Today the embryologist called and of the five, 2 fertilized! So as it stands now we are doing a day three transfer on Saturday morning of two. As we learned in our adoption process - we have to have Faith and that God's hand is in this situation.
Roon told me last night not to be disappointed if only two fertilize....he said that he had been praying and that is the number he felt God was giving him. We hold strong and thank you for all your support and prayers. Friday I start the big honking needle shots of progesterone - yeah they are a bit scary.

It is time - it is time - Woo Hoo!

The Dr. told us yesterday we were on as originally scheduled for the egg retrieval on Wednesday! Please say some prayers that everything goes smoothly, the eggs fertilize and for quick recovery and health for us all!

I had to do what is called a trigger shot last night! This has to be done exactly 36 hours before retrieval. Needless to say - Roon and I were like crazy people last night trying to time this exactly and do everything just right.

My ovaries feel like balloons right now - but they are ready to go!